Posts Tagged ‘Behavior’

Doing What It Takes

Posted: April 27, 2013 in Attitude
Tags: , , , , ,
0

Whatever It TakesI want to take a moment to give some kudos to my bride of almost 34 years, Linda.  She is 3+ weeks following a knee-replacement surgery and less than two weeks away from her second one on May 9.  It has been a challenging journey for her from the effects of the pain meds after surgery to dealing with the rehab exercises and the difficulty doing everyday things that she would normally not think twice about.  But she is doing what it takes to improve daily and shows the determination to do what is best in the long run even when she may not feel like doing it.  I am extremely proud of her and the determination she shows daily.

All of us avoid pain, of course.  To go through daily exercise routines to the point of pain because you know it’s good for you takes a special person with an inner strength that not everyone has.  She has me help her with some of the exercises by pushing her leg to bend more than she can on her own for a second or two – something that feels incredibly weird for me when I know the outcome is her yelling at the point of pain.  She thinks I enjoy it in some evil way, but I don’t.  Still, I’ll gladly do whatever she wants and needs if it helps.

We’ve all heard the phrase ”no pain…no gain” as a motivator to get us to stretch ourselves in exercise and attempts at fitness.  Many of us would much rather live by the motto of “no pain…no pain” instead.

There are moments when Linda is a bit apprehensive or weepy about going through all of this again in two weeks with the other knee.  I told her a couple of nights ago in one such moment not to think about two weeks from now, but about 6-8 weeks from now.  What she is enduring for a couple of months is setting her up to be in a much better place for years to come regarding mobility compared to what she was experiencing prior to the surgeries.  She knows that and will successfully keep the long view in mind.

Each of us has challenges we face, goals to achieve, things that cost us some pain and discomfort – physical or otherwise – on the way to victory.  If we only concern ourselves with what is expedient and pleasurable in the moment, we’ll never cross those long-term finish lines.

On a related note, I have a number of friends and work colleagues who ran the Kentucky Derby Festival Mini-Marathon today in Louisville (a half marathon of 13.1 miles), some for the first time.  They didn’t cross that finish line only because of what they did today, but because of what they’ve done for weeks, months and years leading up to today.  They willingly endured some self-inflicted pain prior to today so that today they could feel the jubilation of individual victory.  I applaud them all.  I’ve done that half-marathon a few times myself and I know how satisfying it is to complete it.

To coworkers who go the extra mile to get things done and to do them well, to friends and family who choose to live life with determination and fortitude, and especially to Linda who is as tough as anyone I know, thank you for your attitude, your sacrificial efforts and example, and for inspiring me daily to do what it takes.

Do Readers Prefer Negative Posts Over Positive Ones?

Posted: April 4, 2013 in Blogging
Tags: , , , , ,
6

Positive NegativeI realized something yesterday regarding the types of blog posts that gain the most views.  When there are pairs of posts on related topics with one having a more positive title and one more negative, the one with the more negative title gets more views.

Here are the numbers for two pairs of posts published in the last couple of months:

From early February, the post about The Worst Mistakes I’ve Made As An Employee has had 942 views, while The Best Behaviors I’ve Shown As An Employee has only received 296 views – less than one-third the number of the one about worst mistakes.  Then last week I published What I Appreciate Most in Coworkers which has received 175 views in a week, while yesterday’s What Annoys Me the Most About Coworkers has received 217 views in one day.

I’m not sure what to make of those numbers.  Are the posts with the more negative sounding titles more sensational?  Do they sound juicier?  Are we drawn to posts that point out the faults of others in order to feel better about ourselves? Or did these two just happen to strike a chord with readers and fellow workers?  The content itself in the more popular posts is not presented from a negative point of view since that isn’t how I think, live or write.  They just tell an honest story or make honest observations about negative behaviors.

What do you think?  Why would a post about my worst mistakes get more than three times the views of a post on things I’ve done well?  Why would a post about annoying coworker behavior get more views in one day than a post about behaviors I appreciate gets in a week?

What Annoys Me the Most About Coworkers

Posted: April 3, 2013 in Teams
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
3

Annoying CoworkersLast week I wrote a post about what I appreciate most in coworkers.  Thanks to all who made it one of my most read posts for the year to date.  This post addresses the flip side of the issue by discussing those things that really get under my skin about coworkers.  Of course, I’m writing a summary post from 40 years or working and am not airing a bunch of dirty laundry regarding my current team – a team I am incredibly impressed with and glad to be part of.

Here are the things that most annoy me in no particular order of importance:

1. Negativity.  As someone who prefers optimism over pessimism, I find it draining and depressing to be around Negative Nellies all the time.  Whether this is in the form of constantly complaining about one’s work environment, other people, personal matters at home, management, work to be done, one’s health, opinions concerning project plans, or a host of other possibilities, please don’t pollute the office and the daily experience of those around you by bringing more negativity than positivity to the office.  If you’re that miserable at work, then find something else somewhere else.  If you’re like this wherever you work, then the problem is you – not others or the work environment.

2. Excessive absenteeism.  I realize people take vacations, get sick and have family emergencies that take them away from work from time to time.  Heck, I’m writing this in the middle of such a few days myself helping to take care of my wife after an accident Sunday and in anticipation of her having surgery tomorrow.  But I have worked with some people who have more weeks per year with days away than weeks with all five days in the office.  With these folks, there always seems to be some crisis du jour that causes them to come in late, leave early, take another day off, etc.  It leaves me wondering just how many days a year these people take off and how that all reconciles with limits the company places on paid time off.  Is anyone holding them accountable?

3. Not delivering results.  I don’t care how many lofty plans you think up or what good intentions you announced at the last staff meeting.  I want to see work completed and done so in a timely manner.  I could line my cube wall with the empty promises of what others said they would do and never got around to finishing.  I’d rather line the walls with lists of amazing things accomplished by the team.

4. Managers who don’t hold people accountable.  This relates to the previous one, but focuses on the manager rather than the coworker.  I have been on teams where  managers inconceivably let slide month after month and year after year the lack of deliverables from some people on the team while others consistently churn out work at an incredible pace.  Is it because the manager doesn’t see it?  Does he not care?  Is he clueless about how to hold people accountable for performance results?  Doesn’t he realize what this disparity in apparent expectations does to the morale and potential performance of the rest of the team, not to mention the toll it takes on interpersonal dynamics?  It may be easy to convince oneself that letting people self-manage and requiring team members to hold each other accountable is the emotionally mature way to go, but doing so sure smells a lot like abdicating one’s management responsibilities when individual performance issues never get addressed.

5. Backstabbing.  I prefer to trust people until they give me a reason not to.  One way to quickly and permanently lose that trust is to stab me (or others I trust) in the back.  If you think doing so makes you look good, you’re wrong.  If you’re doing it to climb up the corporate ladder via the bleeding backs of others, then you will ultimately fail.  If you have something to say about the work I do, how I do it, or about any quality or capability I bring to the table, then do so to my face.  If you would hesitate to say it to me, then that ought to be a clue that you shouldn’t say it to others either.  Word gets around sooner or later, and a pattern of backstabbing others will get you a reputation that does you far more harm than good.  Build others up; don’t tear them down.

6. Jumping to conclusions.  I have to chuckle at times at the swift speed at which we go from very limited information to unfounded and inaccurate conclusions.  Learn to ask more questions and find out more facts about a situation before you take off on some rant or devise some unnecessary solution for a misdiagnosed problem.  I see this on our company’s internal social network all the time when someone will have one little piece of info or limited experience and then take off on some speculative discussion path rather than take the time to first inquire and understand the whole picture.

7. Failing to involve others in decision making.  It is the style of some “leaders” to think they need to make decisions in a vacuum or only with the involvement of very few people impacted, and then announce that major decision to others impacted by it.  That is a mistake.  With today’s ease of communication in organizations via internal social media, and especially if all impacted are easily gathered together for discussion prior to decisions, we are far better off tapping the collective wisdom of the entire stakeholder community before decisions are made.  This results in a far greater likelihood that the best decisions will be made and that broad buy-in from the ranks will be there from the start.  Leaders who get this right will find an appreciative workforce who provides valuable feedback, feels like they are partners in the enterprise, and who are strong advocates of final decisions made.  Leaders who continue to make major decisions behind locked doors, making some big announcement after everything is set in stone, only foster distrust about what will be handed down next.

8. Policy and process guardians with no common sense.  People who want to respond to every bad thing that ever happens with another policy or unbending process written in stone need to lighten up.  You can’t have an agile, creative, innovative, effective workplace that responds to today’s business needs and climate realities if every attempt to get work done is stifled or significantly delayed by people enforcing extremely conservative policies and complex processes that may be even prohibit the very actions they are presumably established to guide.  The business does not exist to enforce its policies and processes.  The policies and processes exist to help the business accomplish its objectives, and when they impede that progress, they need to be called out and changed by those empowered to do so.  That seems like common sense to me, but as I’ve heard others say, “If common sense was common, more people would have it.”

9. Making it hard for others to reach you.  This comes in a few different forms.  For example, when I read an email, I expect a signature block to contain basic contact info, even if you are from within my own company, but especially if you are from another company.  Unless you’re sitting within earshot of me, include your phone and any other relevant contact info in your signature block.  I don’t want to waste time having to look you up in the company directory or in previous emails or notes every time we need to talk.  If the company provides an instant messaging platform, then set up your PC to log in to it automatically every day for those quick exchanges that don’t warrant an email or phone call.  If you’re out of the office for a time, update your voice mail and email to note that so I don’t think you’re just ignoring me and so I can direct my questions to others while you are away.  If your area is responsible for some process that others must go through, then make clear on your website or somewhere who to actually contact if there is a need to talk to a real, live person instead of some generic email address.  Go out of your way to make it easy for others to reach you.

10.  Passing the buck.  How many times have you been sent from one person or department to another when trying to track down information or assistance with some matter?  I understand that not everyone is responsible for everything, especially in a large company.  Certain business areas own certain processes and aspects of the business and need to take pride in that ownership, making the areas for which they have responsibility run as smoothly as possible.  That means owning up to failures without pointing fingers to others who may have influenced failure in some way.  The kind of person who most impresses me in this regard is the one who will take ownership and initiative in finding answers, information and solutions even though it most certainly is not their actual job responsibility to do so.  That kind of customer and problem-solving focus is greatly appreciated by anyone who has ever experienced the exasperation of a string of people unwilling to take responsibility or to help.

So there you have the ten things that most annoy me about coworkers – a list compiled from reflecting on many years of work across many teams and under many different managers.

What about you?  What annoys you the most about coworkers?

What I Appreciate Most In Coworkers

Posted: March 29, 2013 in Teams
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
2

Good WorkerLast month I wrote a couple of posts about The Best Behaviors I’ve Shown As An Employee and The Worst Mistakes I’ve Made As An Employee.  They were very well received with the post on worst mistakes being the most viewed post on this blog in the two years the blog has existed.  Having examined myself first in those posts, I now turn my attention to what I appreciate most and what annoys me the most in coworkers.  I’ll split the topics into two posts.  Having worked at a number of places over 40 years, do not make any assumptions about particular places, teams or individuals referenced.  I would never name names in a negative comment.

Since many working adults spend more waking hours with coworkers than with their families weekly, how we get along with others at work is important.  When relationships are good and healthy, when work is fun and fulfilling, life is good.  Most of us, though, have experienced those jobs or coworkers from time to time where interpersonal conflict and other issues cause stress and dissatisfaction.  This post focuses on the characteristics and behaviors that I most appreciate in coworkers.  My next post will deal with the flip side.

Here they are, not in any particular order of importance:

1. Strong work ethic.  I don’t necessarily expect everyone to willingly and consistently put in the 50-55 hours per week I typically give, but I do expect people to work hard and to go above and beyond when needed.  It turns me off if someone is so tied to a clock that they don’t consider putting in more than the minimum required.  I love working with people who are driven to give their best and to put in the time necessary to put out quality work.

2. Sense of humor.  It’s amazing how much quicker a day goes by when it is sprinkled with laughter and good-natured fun along the way.  The presence of humor makes me want to be with the sources of that humor.

3. Creativity.  I don’t claim to be very creative, but I appreciate others who can look at issues and tasks in new ways, present solutions I would never think of, and turn something otherwise mundane and bland into something that meets a need in an appealing, attractive, and unique way.  There are almost always better ways to accomplish things, and being surrounded by creative minds increases the likelihood of coming up with remarkable solutions to business needs.

4. Willingness to help.  When coworkers notice that a colleague is sinking under a heavy workload and needs help, it is encouraging to see them offer to share the load even if they already have a full plate themselves.  Sometimes we all need a helping hand, and having colleagues you can turn to in a pinch or who initiate offering help is a godsend.

5. Emotional maturity.  It is not helpful in an office when people wear their emotions on their sleeves and don’t know how to stay professional.  I like working with others who can address matters calmly, reasonably, and with a common purpose of solving problems, moving forward, and getting things done.  It is nice when people can receive constructive criticism and suggestions willingly.  It’s helpful when others do not take things too personally when the intent of the conversation is to do what is in the best interests of the company and the work to be done.

6. Integrity.  I like working with people who do what they say they they will do.  I respect people who are honest in all situations.  I expect that of myself and of others.  Without it, I just can’t trust you, and that will negatively impact our ability to work together.

7. Initiative.  It is invigorating to work on a team where individuals constantly think of new things that can be done as well as new and better ways to do what has been done in the past.  When colleagues act on those inclinations, you have a scenario where the workers are fully engaged and enthusiastic about what they bring to the table, and the company ultimately benefits.  It’s a win-win for the worker and the business.

8. Willingness to bend or break the rules.  This one may get me in trouble.  While it is important to live within corporate policies, it is also important to put faith in trusted, proven individuals and give them some leeway to act on their knowledge, experience, and instincts, even if some rules get bent in the process.  Most of us don’t have to think too long and hard to come up with frustrating examples of corporate practices and policies that have been allowed to morph into some giant, life-sucking, time-consuming albatross around the necks of people who simply want to get their jobs done in the most efficient and effective manner possible.  The rebel in me loves people willing to break rules in order to do a better job at something, asking forgiveness rather than permission.

9. Managers who give me a job to do and turn me loose to do it.  I have been blessed with more managers than not who have trusted me to get my work done without them breathing down my neck and trying to micromanage everything I do.  If I need help, I’ll ask for it.  Otherwise, they can know that all is well.  Check in with me every week or two to hold me accountable, but otherwise give me space and I’ll do you proud.  Those who understand that and give me that freedom get my best work.  Those who do not are now former managers.

10. Friendship.  I don’t have to be best friends with anyone at work, but I do like thinking of several as genuine friends – people with whom I would be glad to hang out outside of work from time to time.  That requires common interests, liking each other, and someone taking the initiative to get together outside of work occasionally.  There is much to be gained from simply going out for a meal together or joining in some fun activity just for the heck of it.

So there you have my top ten characteristics or behaviors I most appreciate in coworkers.  Some of my roles and teams have aligned better with those expectations than others.  I am incredibly fortunate to be on a stellar team now that lives up to all of these.

What about you?  What do you appreciate most in a coworker?

For Such a Time as This

Posted: March 21, 2013 in Priorities
Tags: , , , , ,
1

For Such A Time As ThisAt my company, we have many discussions and activities related to the subject of well-being.  Most of these are related to the health dimension of well-being, but we still acknowledge and work toward improving well-being in other areas as well, such as security, belonging, and purpose.  This post addresses a little about the purpose dimension of well-being.

If someone asks you “What is your purpose in life?”, how will you respond?  Will the answer today be different than a few years ago?  Does one’s purpose remain relatively constant throughout adult life, or do you think it’s subject to periodic change?

For a few decades, when I have heard the question, I have immediately thought of the first part of the Westminster Shorter Catechism created in 1647:

“What is the chief end of man?  Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever.”

I’m not telling anyone else what their purpose should be by posting the above – just stating that such a clear, concise understanding has helped guide me for many years and continues to do so.  But what does that mean?  It’s a rather broad statement and certainly open to interpretation at the level of implementation detail.  For me, the overall purpose remains constant, but how that fleshes out from one year to the next or even one day to the next is up for grabs.  I certainly have some consistent beliefs, practices and commitments related to that purpose, but there is flexibility that can make what I do today a little different that what I did yesterday, and there’s even a little wiggle room in some peripheral beliefs.  A sense of purpose may provide wide guidelines and boundaries within which we operate, while still being open to momentary, unexpected events that tie to the purpose, yet could never be planned in advance.

I believe each of us is uniquely positioned in this world to do something and to be someone unlike any other.  Nobody else has the exact experiences, motivations, passions, trials, and opportunities as you.  Nobody.  So it seems that each of us has the opportunity to live out our purpose in a wonderfully unique way that has not existed before and will not be repeated again, even if we share the same overall purpose.  It is as though we are actors in a tremendous drama where we get to write part of the script as we go, making the most of each moment.

This unique fleshing out of one’s purpose recalls to mind an insightful thought from one of the main characters in the grand story from the Old Testament book of Esther in the 5th century B.C.  As scenes change from one queen losing favor with the king, and a young Jewish Esther becoming queen, evil Haman plots to kill all the Jews in the Persian Empire.  Esther’s cousin, Mordecai, in discussing her risky option of approaching the king to help save the Jews, tells her ”who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).  Being in that place at that time for those actions was central to Esther’s purpose in life.  I wonder how many little things along the way not recorded in the book contributed to the unfolding of events as they played out.  She, and only she, was in a unique position to make a difference in that situation for all time.

Decisions may be seemingly small, random and passing (such as to help that needy person on the street), or large and obviously consequential (e.g., career choices, relationship decisions, and leaps of faith).  It’s possible that coincidence is involved in the timing of some things, but it is just as likely (more so in my opinion) that there is more at work than mere coincidence, even in the daily unexpected moments that bring meaning to our days and that relate to our purpose.

My takeaways from thinking about this: Know the broad overarching purpose that gives your life meaning and significance.  Plan your days and work hard, but always be open to unexpected opportunities uniquely presented just to you at just that moment.  You will respond to them either in accordance with or contrary to your perceived purpose.

Who knows whether you have come for such a time as this?

Stooping to Serve

Posted: March 18, 2013 in Behavior
Tags: , , , ,
1

Stooping To HelpHave you ever seen a child instinctively help another child up when he falls? Do you recall a time when you immediately went to someone’s aid without having to stop and think about it simply because there was a need and you wanted to help? It seems like such a simple matter, but it appears that as we “mature” and find ourselves in different positions and roles in life, that willingness to stoop to help others lives in constant danger of being suppressed.

The attention of the world in recent days has been given to the new Pope Francis and especially his lifestyle of service, simplicity and humility through the years. Against the backdrop of world leaders often living in splendor while their countrymen suffer, such an attitude is, indeed, refreshing. Nobody is too good or too important to serve others.

While reading Nehemiah the last couple of days about the rebuilding of the Jerusalem wall in the 5th century B.C., Nehemiah 3:5 jumped out at me. In the midst of a passage talking about the various groups that shared in the responsibility of rebuilding and repairing, we read: “And next to them the Tekoites repaired, but their nobles would not stoop to serve their Lord.”

Who would not stoop? The nobles. The work was being done by a vast number of people eager to do the work, to be part of a cause greater than themselves. Yet here was a group of people who considered themselves greater than the work. They considered it beneath them, yet it was the most significant work of that century for that people.

The problem with considering yourself too good to stoop to help others is that those who hold such an attitude are completely inaccurate in their self-assessment. They aren’t really too good or lofty to serve or help others – they just think they are. They are mistaken.

I am thankful for the example of everyday men and women, boys and girls, who care more about helping others than about maintaining some off-base inflated self-assessment of their importance. I am grateful for leaders who understand and practice servant leadership. I am humbled by people who are not afraid to get their hands dirty and to live life in the trenches if that is where the need is found.

“But whoever must be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” – Jesus, Mark 10:43-45.

Little Things Count

Posted: March 9, 2013 in Behavior
Tags: , , , , , , ,
0

Little Things CountHow do you choose to make a difference in the lives of others?  Do you think you can make such a difference?  Do you wish you could do more?  Do you think that what you do is of little significance?

Many people, myself included, want to make a positive difference in the world.  Most don’t have a large, public stage from which to perform such acts.  Most don’t have substantial financial resources to directly impact the welfare of those less fortunate.  Most don’t hold positions of power from which they can command the use of others’ time, energy and resources to accomplish what they want.  So does that mean each of us is relegated to having an insignificant impact that lasts for only a moment and affects very few others?  I don’t think so.

A couple of related thoughts come to mind when pondering this subject.  The first has to do with our definitions of success and significance.  The second relates to our awareness (or lack thereof) of the impact we have on others.

As for success vs. significance, our American culture attempts to define success in terms of how much money we make, how many possessions we have, how much power we wield, the kind and level of job we hold, what our home looks like, etc.  We mathematically categorize people as upper class, middle class, or lower class.

If you are in the trap of defining success that way, take a moment and think about some of the most important people in your past, those who had the most influence on you, those who taught you the most and helped shaped you into the person you are.  Think about the ways you have incorporated the lessons learned from those people into your life and how you have passed on those same lessons to others.  Now think back to the material circumstances of those influential people who came to mind.  Were they financially wealthy?  Were they the ones running huge corporations or in charge of millions or billions of dollars annually?  Were they well-known public officials?  Probably not (although they could be).  Instead, they were more likely parents, teachers, grandparents, friends or mentors who cared about you, noticed you, and gave generously of themselves to enrich your life.  Were they successful as culture defines success?  Maybe, maybe not.  But were they significant?  You bet they were!

We have to start making a clear distinction between culturally defined “success” and true “significance.”  Do a quick Amazon search on the word pair “success significance” and you’ll turn up several resources that distinguish between the two.  Ultimately, you are the one who must determine the definitions of success and significance by which you measure the impact of your life (i.e., if you measure it, which I don’t recommend trying).  For me, success was long ago defined by the book Success, Motivation, and the Scriptures by William H. Cook where I came away with the definition: “Success is doing what God wants you to do in the way He wants you to do it.”  Therefore, I am fulfilling my purpose and am successful if I live up to that definition.  I have to trust that significance is an outcome, whether I see or know about the results or not.

The beauty of that definition of success is that it potentially applies to any act, big or small.  Success might be facilitated by a public platform with the chance to speak to and influence many others.  But it also comes in simple one-to-one compassion shown for another, performing an act of kindness that enriches another’s life, having private conversation where you listen more than you talk, making sure that when you do talk, the words are worth the time others are taking to hear them.

I’m not discounting the value of the public, large-scale opportunities to make a difference.  We should take advantage of those whenever possible.  I want us to understand, though, that success and significance can also come through seemingly small things that have little or no audience.

When reading through the Old Testament book of 1 Chronicles recently, I was struck by the reference in 9:31 to Mattithiah, one of the Levites, listed as being in charge of making the flat cakes.   Here in this chapter discussing the genealogy of returned exiles is recorded for all time a man who carried out his service daily making flat cakes.  In his world at the time, he was probably unnoticed by most.  He sought no fame or fortune.  He fulfilled his duty day in and day out.  He made flat cakes.  And now 2500 years later we read about him.  Mattithiah would have liked the definition of success above – doing what God wants you to do in the way He wants you to do it.  He was successful, and he was significant.  Acts of seemingly little significance are necessary, and are noticed and appreciated by God and others.

As we browse the Bible, there are so many additional reminders of the importance of doing the little things with the right attitude and motive, confident that they matter in the grand scheme of things to the only One who is worthy of judging:

  • “…whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” – Mark 10:43-44
  • “…I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:11-13
  • “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus” – Colossians 3:17.
  • “I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness” – Psalm 84:10.

The Bible’s definition and description of success is light years away from our culture’s.

As for our awareness (or lack thereof) of the impact we have on others, we simply don’t know the impact we have because we can’t be all places at all times.  There is a potential ripple effect of our actions and attitudes on the lives of others that we will never witness or hear about.  People that influenced me were influenced by others I may never have known, and those strangers were influenced by others I have never heard of who were born in another place and time.  In a sense, we are with our lives throwing a pebble in a pond and turning to walk away before we have the chance to observe the ripples and how far they extend.  It isn’t our job to study the ripples, though.  It is our role to toss the pebble.

I’ve had wonderful opportunities in my life through my work, through travel, through meeting people of different backgrounds, and through great relationships with family and friends.  I’m open to whatever platform from which I can make a difference, big or small.  At work I am content not to be a manager, although I’ve managed teams in the past and had success with it.  I’d be content being the Wal-Mart greeter who says hello and offers you a shopping cart.  At church, I’ve taught classes more often than not over the past 40+ years, and I’ve had plenty of opportunities to preach to congregations.  But the truth is that I’m just as content to serve by providing Christian literature and resources weekly or by making coffee early enough so it’s ready when others arrive.

Don’t let a twisted culture define success or significance for you.  Realize that significance can happen one person and one small act at a time.  Going that extra step to help someone at work or home, seeing to the laborious and unheralded tasks others don’t want to do, noticing the people and circumstances that others pass by in their daily rush and taking time to invest in them in some small way – these are the kinds of acts by which others will measure your success and significance.  They will carry those ripples into the lives of others.

Little things count.

“…and the Wisdom to Know the Difference”

Posted: March 8, 2013 in Attitude
Tags: , , , , , , ,
2

Serenity PrayerA few months ago, my daily lesson learned blog post was on the subject “Don’t Fret What You Can’t Control.”  It was inspired by a long traffic jam on Interstate 75 returning to Louisville from a visit with my son in South Carolina.  Mentioned in that post was the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

It came to mind again tonight when my wife came home about 10:00 p.m. and announced upon her arrival “Your car has been vandalized.”  Immediately, my mind imagined the worst with windows broken, major damage, dents, scratches, etc.  I was somewhat relieved to see that it was “only” some writing in red permanent marker over about a one-square-foot area on the back of the car.  I didn’t like it, of course, but it wasn’t nearly what came to mind with the message I was first given.

It only took a post on Facebook to quickly have people tell us to use nail polish remover to get rid of the markings, a suggestion seconded by the police officer who came to check out the damage and record the incident.  Minutes after the officer left, the markings were gone.  Immediate problem solved.  Of course, that doesn’t solve the potential problem of it happening again since we have no idea who did it.

In that short span of time between learning of the incident and removing the markings, I had to decide how I would respond.  Part of me wanted to sound off on my social networks and threaten this unknown vandal – someone who would not have seen any post I made, anyway.  It might have felt good getting the anger off my chest, but it would have just looked hot-tempered to others without contributing to solving the problem.

So I decided to just be practical instead and ask in a post how to remove it.  I decided to focus on solving the immediate problem rather than feeding my anger.  It was the right call.

So how does the Serenity Prayer fit in to this?  Let’s see…

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change“:  I couldn’t change the fact that the markings were already on the car.  I couldn’t change the fact after the vandalism that the car had been parked in the driveway of an empty house across the street.  I couldn’t change the fact that we had no witnesses or evidence of who might have done it.

“the courage to change the things I can“:  We could crowdsource the question about how to remove the markings.  We could make a conscious choice not to get loud and angry. We could use my friends’ wisdom to find a way to remove the markings.  We could call the police and report it.  We could make the decision to stop using the absent neighbor’s house for a spare driveway and use our own instead, even if it means more switching cars in and out as we come and go.

“and the wisdom to know the difference”:  It wouldn’t make sense to leave the markings on the car and not try to find a way to remove them.  Breaking out into my best Doris Day impression (young people, ask your parents) singing “Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be” would not have accomplished anything.  It wouldn’t make sense to not report the vandalism and thereby keep the police in the dark about something they should be aware of as they patrol the neighborhood.  It wouldn’t make sense to think that I have to get angry and loud and make a scene just because I may have reacted that way at times in the past, especially when it comes to vandalism and the sense of being violated that comes with it.  It wouldn’t make sense to continue parking across the street if we suspect it is safer to park the car in our own driveway instead of the uninhabited house’s driveway.

I don’t always react the way I should when bad things happen.  The personal satisfaction is much greater, however, when I get the last part of that prayer right – the wisdom to know the difference.  It seems to me that spending some time looking at situations through the lens of the first two parts of the prayer – taking time to ponder what you can and can’t change about a situation – contributes greatly to the likelihood of gaining the wisdom to know the difference.

If It’s Important, You’ll Find a Way

Posted: March 3, 2013 in Priorities
Tags: , , ,
1
image from carrotsncake.com

image from carrotsncake.com

This morning as I walked across the parking lot at my church, I saw a car pull up near the main entrance.  An old man got out and opened the trunk, then pulled out a walker for his wife.  He took it around to her door, helped her out, got her situated safely with the walker, then he headed back to the driver’s side to go park the car while the woman slowly made her way from the pull-in to the outside elevator entrance.  It was a sunny morning, but very cold.  The lady’s steps were short, slow, and deliberate.  It would take her a few minutes to inch her way across that relatively short distance from the car to the elevator – a distance I could sprint in about two seconds.

As I made my way to where I was going, I couldn’t help but admire the determination of the couple to do what they believed to be important at that time on Sunday morning – be at church.  I wondered how many others would stay home today because it was too cold, or because they were too tired from staying up or out late last night, or because it just isn’t important to them.  I wondered how many others – even church members – would think up some excuse for staying in bed or staying inside where it was warm and cozy because they didn’t want the discomfort or inconvenience or time spent doing something else.

I have believed and taught for many years that Sunday morning is not the time for you to decide whether you will be in church that day or not.  That is a decision made when you make your faith commitment, choosing to be a part of a body of believers from that point on, only excusing yourself from participation in the larger community in case of illness or very unusual, temporary circumstances.  I suspect this older couple shares that sentiment.

The takeaway lesson for me from watching the couple was that we find a way to do what is important to us.  I know that many of us have more things on our plate than should be there, and we have to occasionally let some things go in order to do others of greater importance.  Still, when it comes down to deciding what gets done and what doesn’t, we find a way to do what is really important.

If spending time with family isn’t important, we fill our days with other things.  If taking care of our home, car or other personal belongings isn’t important, we let them deteriorate.  If taking care of our bodies doesn’t matter to us, then we abuse them in all kinds of ways without really showing concern for the eventual consequences.  If living for the moment is more important than providing for the future, then we throw caution to the wind and think about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.  If we care mostly or solely about ourselves, then we never take the time to focus on and do what is in the best interests of others.

You want to know how you can find out what is important to me?  Look two places: at my schedule and my bank account.  How do I spend my time and how do I spend my money?  Those two windows into my life will tell you what is really important to me, regardless of what I say is important.  I pray that the view from those windows tells the same story as my words.

What is important to you, and does your schedule and your bank account reflect that?

Wag More, Bark Less

Posted: February 23, 2013 in Communication
Tags: , , , , , ,
1
image from localbadge.com

image from localbadge.com

Earlier this week I shared a book review of Seth Godin’s Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us as well as another post inspired by the book about leading from the bottom.  Today’s post has its genesis in one sentence found in the book where Godin lists his principles related to creating a movement.  His final principle is “Tearing others down is never as helpful to a movement as building your followers up” (p. 105).

That may seem obvious, but I’m sure it’s included because people often violate the principle.  How can we expect others to join us in accomplishing some task, making a change, joining a cause to make a difference, or simply doing our day-to-day work if we’re criticizing or complaining along the way?  Don’t we respond better in attitude and in performance when others are quick to praise and encourage rather than to tear us down?  Of course we do!

This principle reminds me of a few other maxims that are (or should be) a part of our language.  One is “You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.”  This one is literally true when it comes to attracting me as well.  I love honey and consume some almost daily.  Vinegar?  I run from the stuff; can’t stand to smell it or be in the same room with it.  Building others up is honey.  Tearing them down is vinegar.  Be honey.

Perhaps one of my favorite sayings related to this thought comes from a bumper sticker I saw last year: “Wag more, bark less.”  A Google search on the phrase will yield many results, including more paraphernalia with the saying on it than you can afford to purchase.  As a dog lover and one who believes in being encouraging to others, this one sums up the notion quite well for me.

Take a moment to review in your mind the conversations you’ve had in the past 24 hours.  In those talks, were you figuratively more often wagging your tail or barking at the listener?  Were you building up or tearing down?  You may not have noticed at the time, but chances are good that the other person did.  As you think back on the conversations you had with coworkers this past week, with people you manage, with those living under your roof, or with others you spoke with along the way, did you do more wagging or barking?

If I approach a dog, I’m going to notice if he’s wagging or barking and it’s going to impact how I respond.  Same is true for people.

As you go about your conversations today, make it a point to wag more and bark less.  It will do as much good for you as it does for those around you.

Older Entries