Posts Tagged ‘Giving’

The Millennials

If you’d like to better understand the Millennial generation, also known as Gen Y – those born approximately between the years 1980 and 2000 – then I suggest you read the book The Millennials: Connecting to America’s Largest Generation by Thom Rainer and his son Jess Rainer.  Thom is a Baby Boomer while Jess is a Millennial.  I admire the collaborative effort they put forth in writing the book.

But before I say more about the book, let me explain a few reasons for my interest and possible bias toward both the generation and the book.

First, I”m a 56-year-old Baby Boomer with two sons who are Millennials born in 1980 and 1983.  I spent a number of years doing college ministry seven days a week with Millennials.  I wore with pride (and still do) the name “Blue” assigned to me by some of those college students, a name taken from the old dude who hung out with the younger crowd in the movie Old School (whose manager in real life was, coincidentally, named Jeff Ross).  Part of my inclination to the Millennial generation may just be some of the values we tend to share in spite of the age difference, although we certainly differ in some significant ways, especially theologically.  Still, for whatever reasons, I like this generation a lot and I enjoy being with them.

One reason I am predisposed to appreciate the book is because Thom is an acquaintance from having attended seminary with him in the 1980s.  We weren’t in the same degree program and didn’t hang out together, but my wife typed up Thom’s PhD dissertation in those days with our suitcase-sized, 30 pound, cutting edge IBM “Portable” PC.  But, I digress.

For the reasons above as well as the relevance of the topic to my work and church, I was eager to read the book.

A word of background about the authors… Thom is now president and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources and has been highly involved in research on many subjects in his current and previous roles.  He has written numerous books and is well respected, particularly in the evangelical Christian denomination we have both served for decades.  Co-author son Jess Rainer is also in Christian ministry.  While they do not hide (nor should they) their evangelical Christian perspective in the book, they go above and beyond to objectively analyze the research results of the 1200 Millennials studied.  The group consisted of Millennials born between 1980 and 1991 – older Millennials.  The results can be trusted as accurate for the population studied and any speculation that groups interviewed or results published are skewed to support a predetermined agenda on the part of the authors would be woefully incorrect.

It is no surprise that generations as a whole take on different characteristics than previous generations.  Everyone reading this post can likely contrast his/her generation with that of their parents or grandparents, identifying broad, generally correct differences.  At the same time, it is obviously wrong to assume that all members of any generation are alike in any, much less all, areas of study.  I only need to spend a little time with my Baby Boomer peers to realize that we run the gamut of beliefs, values, motivations, and lifestyles.  The same can be said for Millennials.  There is also truth, though, in the fact that patterns and trends emerge when studying generations.  One characteristic that may have been true for 60% of Boomers might only be true for 20% of Millennials, for example.  It is important to keep these big-picture realities in mind when reading the book.  It is vital to resist the temptation to paint all Millennials with the same brush just as it would be wrong to do the same with Boomers or any other generation.

That said, what about the contents of the book itself?  Glad you asked.

Given the study of 1200 Millennials, the book addresses a variety of topics in its eleven chapters, beginning with an introduction to the generation.  The first chapter, “Meet the Millennials,” sets the stage with some quick claims about the majority of Millennials who now make up the largest generation in America, surpassing Baby Boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964) in quantity.  These general characteristics of Millennials include:

  • They are the most educated generation in American history.
  • They are marrying much later in life, if at all.
  • 65% of them cohabit prior to marriage, compared to just 10% in the 1960s.
  • They are a more diverse group than previous generations with minorities making up 40% of the total.  This diversity is assumed, expected, and valued.
  • They want to make a difference in the world, not focusing as much on self as on how they can make that difference.  They are impatient with people or institutions that impose what they consider to be unnecessary barriers to positive change.
  • They are a hopeful generation.
  • They do not define greatness as other generations might.
  • They are very relational, typically having strong ties with friends and family, including their parents whose advice they seek and respect.
  • They are willing and able learners, eager to have mentors.
  • They look to religion much less than previous generations.  While a majority claim to be “spiritual,” a very small minority consider any type of spirituality really important in their lives.
  • They are not workaholics.  They seek a better work-life balance than their predecessors.
  • They are “green” in that they think and act intentionally with environmental concerns, though not to the extremes some may imagine.
  • They are communicators anytime, anywhere, with 70% saying the cell phone is vital to their lives.  Texting is their primary means of communication.
  • They are financially confused and tend to turn toward the government for help.

Given the opening overview points above, the remaining chapters then do a deeper dive into these characteristics, sharing the research results and sprinkling the chapters with a generous number of quotes and anecdotes from the interviews.  Subsequent chapters focus on a Millennial’s perspective, family, openness and diversity, motivation, the workplace, their role as mediators, their connection with media, money, religion, and then a final chapter geared toward the church and how it needs to respond to this generation.  A postscript section summarizes many of the book’s findings and challenges the reader to be thoughtful and intentional in working with Millennials.

I found the book to be very worthwhile, informative from a research perspective, unbiased in its analysis of data, carefully written so as not to dwell to a mind-numbing degree on research numbers, and for me very practical in that my workplace has a growing population of Millennials and my church wishes it did.  Since the book was published in 2011, some of the stats such as the number of subscribers to social networks will jump out as very outdated, but there is no way around that in printed publications that have been around even one year, much less two, especially given the time involved between research and publication.

There is no shortage of articles and resources related to Millennials.  A Google search will yield more than anyone could read in a lifetime.  In just the past few days, my personal, normal, daily routine of looking at resources from people I follow on Twitter and elsewhere has produced the following resources with no search effort on my part:

My generation of Boomers is large, of course, but we’re now entering retirement at the rate of 10,000 Boomers per day while the even larger Millennial generation is making up more and more of the workforce.  Yes, Boomers will probably be able to go to their grave watching reruns of Andy Griffith, M.A.S.H. and other staples of their earlier years.  We’ll be able to find radio stations with songs from our youth, toys we grew up with, and more because there are still enough of us around to demand them.  We’ll be self-centered enough to keep thinking the world revolves around us even when it doesn’t.  But it is critical that those of all generations understand, get connected with, and learn to live, work, play, serve, and (maybe) worship with Millennials.  Reading this book will be a good start.

As Thom Rainer and Jess Rainer write in their closing words:

“Are we ready for the Millennials?
We better be ready.
They are already here.
Here come the Millennials!”

I, for one, am glad.

Oklahoma Tornado SurvivorIn the midst of tragic events like this week’s tornado destruction in Oklahoma, there is always much that tugs at the heart.  We ache for the families of those who have lost loved ones.  We shake our heads in disbelief at the sight of the destruction, most of us unable to comprehend what it is like to have all of one’s belongings gone in a moment.  Those with small children hold their kids a little tighter before putting them to bed, shedding tears of compassion for those unable to hold their children any more.  We feel a little guilty that our lives go on with relative ease as so many others struggle to literally and figuratively pick up the pieces.

What can we do?  We can pray for those impacted.  We can give financially to help meet their current and future needs.  Some can go and give of their time and energy to demonstrate love and compassion for fellow human beings.  It won’t restore life that is lost or heal broken hearts, but it is the best we can do when events of this magnitude happen.

We can also rejoice in small victories – in lives spared in the midst of the rubble, in unusual circumstances that kept some people from where they would normally have been at that time that would have resulted in more injury or death, and in the touching stories that bring a lump in the throat such as when a woman’s beloved dog is found alive (pictured above).  We can be thankful that so many instinctively start helping others tirelessly.  We can be glad that in a nation where serious divisions exist, there is still a basic human compassion that overflows from the majority in times like this.

If your neighbor hurts, it matters not what political, philosophical, religious or social differences you have.   It only matters that someone is in need and you can do something about it.

Who is my neighbor?  Today, a lot of people in Oklahoma are my neighbors, even though I’m in Louisville.  They’re your neighbors, too.  Love them and show them you care in every way that you can.

American IdolMy wife and I have enjoyed watching American Idol for years.  I missed the first season, but have been a big fan since then.  Now that we’re into the phase where America votes weekly on who remains, I thought it might be nice to reflect on some of the many lessons that can come from watching this show.  Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. People aren’t always as talented as they think they are.  The early episodes of every season are proof of this.  Some are just painful to hear.  William Hung, anyone?

2. Talent can be found in unexpected places.  I’m not talking geography here since people travel all over the country to these auditions.  I’m referring to the fact that a booming voice might come out of a soft-spoken, unkempt, homeless person nobody would ever suspect as a good singer.  File this one under “can’t judge a book by its cover.”

3. You need social skills in addition to talent.  The contestant who has a great voice but who can’t get along with others, also fails to connect with the voting public, and eventually loses.  It’s not just about you and your talent; it’s about living in the context of a community and relationships, and that’s a whole different ballgame.

4. Only the strong survive.  I feel for the singers who get matched up in group week with people they can’t relate to or with people who don’t want to do their fair share.  That week requires everyone to work hard – all night if needed, and those who slack off tend not to progress to the next round.

5. Never assume you’re safe.  How many singers through the years have been surprisingly eliminated early in the voting, most likely because people didn’t bother to vote for them since they considered them safe?  Assume nothing.

6. Your vote counts.  Or, more accurately this season, your 50 votes count.  If you don’t vote, don’t gripe about the results.  Do your duty and vote if you care about an outcome.

7. Not everyone who judges you is worthy of doing so.  While the four judges this year had sole authority to determine the top twenty, they may or may not have made the right calls.  They may not be representative of what America wants.  They may have hidden agendas and criteria we never hear about that impacts their decisions.  Do I personally really care about anything Nicki Minaj ever thinks or says?  No.  But she’s paid the big bucks to sit there looking dumb and sounding dumber, so whether she is worthy or not isn’t the point now.  Contestants will still be impacted by her comments for good or bad.

8. Give it your all.  When singers play it safe and just blend in with other so-so performances, that doesn’t cut it.  You need to give it your heart and soul and know that you left it all on the stage.  The final results may be in others’ hands, but you can at least know you did your best.  There is great satisfaction in that.

9. Always keep learning and improving.  Whatever your current skill level, there is room for improvement, so do what it takes to learn and grow and reach your goals.

10. Make friends along the way.  Nobody wants to be around others whom they fear would willingly stab them in the back to get ahead.  Don’t be such a person.  Be the one who takes the time to notice and befriend others as you go.  Praise the members of the band.

11. Climbing a ladder isn’t a lifestyle.  There is more to life than just trying to get somewhere else in the future.  It’s about experiencing the present, too.  You climb ladders for a short while so you can do something else at the end of that ladder.  Know when to step off the ladder and do other things.

12. It’s OK not to get the most votes.  If there are 10,000 people trying out and only one can win, does that mean 9,999 are losers?  No!  It just means that the system is set up to give a greater reward to one person.  Many contestants go on to very successful careers without winning the competition.  You get to define success in your life.  Don’t let others do that for you.

13. Fame and fortune comes at a cost.  Some have the personal character, wisdom and right people nearby to handle fame and fortune.  Some give in to its temptations and flame out early.  If you think you’ll be the one making all the calls about what happens with your life at the level of stardom these singers seek, you’re wrong.  There are trade-offs your dreams didn’t envision.

14. Enjoy the ride.  We know that some things can’t last forever.  That’s OK.  Be thankful that it happened as long as it did.

15. Give back.  You didn’t get where you are completely by yourself.  Parents, friends, teachers, even bitter enemies all worked to help shape you into the person you are, as did your own dogged determination.  Others are invested in you with their lives.  Give back to them.

I’m sure I’ve missed some obvious lessons that my fellow American Idol fans can think of.  What are they?  Tell me in a comment.

p.s. – If you haven’t figured it out by now, the lessons above don’t apply just to a singing competition.

Deposits Withdrawals

image from chalkboardquotes.wordpress.com

Today’s blog post is about dog training, but about much more than that.  I’ve been a fan of the dog trainer Eric Letendre for several years, reading his books, watching his videos, and eagerly reading his daily emails about the subject.  (If you’re curious, check out his book The Amazing Dog Training Man’s Ultimate Guide to Dogs or his website or YouTube channel.)

His email from a few days ago rang true as good advice not just for dog training, but for relationships in general, so I want to share it with you.  The email recalls a chapter in his book where he wrote about “how the relationship is like a checking account.  Every time you do something positive with your dog, you are making a deposit into the account.  Every time you do something negative to your dog, you are making a withdrawal.  In order for the relationship to stay positive, happy and healthy, you have to be making more deposits into the account.  Too many withdrawals without enough deposits will result in a relationship that will go negative.”

Brilliant.

Beyond the relationship you have with your pets, think about the relationships you have with key people in your life – spouse, family members, coworkers, neighbors, friends, acquaintances.  Think about the best of those relationships.  Aren’t they the ones where there is more thought to giving than taking?  Don’t you get tired of being around people who always want something from you, but never give in return?  Don’t you want to free yourself from being around those who inject nothing but negativity into your life?  Don’t you want to be with those who give and who are positive?  I do.

If a relationship with someone has soured in your life, try to analyze it from the deposit/withdrawal perspective.  If you are making more positive deposits in the lives of others, chances are good they will not think twice about the occasional withdrawal you need to make.  But be careful about always being the one to withdraw, or you may just find others wanting to withdraw from the relationship.

Make more deposits than withdrawals, and as the image above says, know when to close the account.

Put Others FirstAs I read many goals others are setting for 2013, I am struck by the number of them that relate to people loving themselves more, putting themselves first, focusing on “me” time, etc.  I have very mixed emotions about such goals.

On the one hand, I can certainly see the importance of taking care of oneself, of engaging in healthy behaviors and setting a variety of personal goals that address some aspect of one’s body, mind or spirit.  I will set goals in each of those areas myself, and share them with you in a few days.  But where I wonder about the health of a goal is in actually making the goal putting oneself first.  I realize most may do that whether it’s a stated goal or not, but I can’t get past the apparent self-centeredness of it.

Perhaps for people who have been repeatedly taken advantage of by others for years, a focus on taking control of their lives is appropriate.  In other circumstances, though, is it appropriate to say that your goal for 2013 is to put yourself first?

When I look around me at the people I admire, at the ones who have impacted my life the most, at those whose example is worth imitating, none of them are people I would describe as putting themselves first.  They always seem to be giving to others sacrificially, thinking less often of themselves than of those around them, doing without material things and experiences in this life so that others can benefit.  Aren’t such people greater examples of what the best of humanity looks like compared to those who think primarily of themselves?

We live in a selfish world with no shortage of a “me first” attitude.  As we suffer the consequences of societal deterioration through crime, violence, failed relationships and more, do we need more people committed to putting themselves first, ahead of all others?  I don’t think so.  Yes, we must take care of ourselves, of course, but not to the exclusion of intentionally taking care of others as well.

Leap year lesson #362 is Put others first in 2013.

Driver Oriol Servia, Jeff Ross & Humana CEO Mike McCallister

Driver Oriol Servia, Jeff Ross & Humana CEO Mike McCallister

I participated in an unusual and enjoyable charitable event today.  Indianapolis 500 race car driver Oriol Servia spent time at our company headquarters raising funds for the organization Racing for Kids.

There were two ways to participate and contribute.  One was to donate $15 in order to have your photo taken while standing by one of the two Indy cars there with Servia on one side of you and our company CEO on the other.  That’s the route I took (pictured here).  The other option was to donate $100 in exchange for a very fast but once-in-a-lifetime ride around our block in downtown Louisville in the other Indy car driven by Servia.  There was no shortage of men and women waiting in line to pay $100 for that one-minute experience.

People ask you and me for donations all the time, from homeless people on the street to unsolicited phone calls, mail, email, churches, plus a host of others on TV and various media.  Today’s experience made me think about the approach solicitors take to request donations.

How often has someone tried to get you to give by making you feel guilty?  How often has some story (of questionable authenticity) been told to tug at your heart and drain your wallet?  How many times have you heard the same old tired sermons trying to use a few verses out of context to guilt you into giving a certain percentage of your income only to that church?  How effective are the above methods with you?

Contrast that with today’s example where people were lining up to pay $15 for a 15-second photo or $100 for a ride around the block.  People wanted to give today and even signed up in advance to do so, myself included.

Think about that the next time you solicit funds.  I’ll give a pass to the homeless person on style and wow-factor points.  As for the rest of us, it looks like we can still learn a thing or two about effective fund-raising.

Leap year lesson #345 is Make people want to give.

I’ve been a little more stressed than normal for a few days.  Some of it is work related and some is personal.  Some is due to the crazy list of things I’m supposed to get done this week that doesn’t give me a minute to pause, even throughout the weekend ahead.  The tiring pace of the schedule is made more tiring when there isn’t even a large block of hours over the weekend to just chill and catch my breath.

That’s why I am thankful for a little bit of kindness and mercy shown to me today.  The kindness that really touched me was an extremely nice note shared publicly on our internal social network about the work I do and this person’s belief in it’s positive impact on the company.  The mercy shown was when a 6pm Friday deadline for a quiz I need to take was extended to late Sunday evening.

I knew I wouldn’t make the original deadline because of work demands, so I let the person know that I would get it done later tonight.  I usually have to do these at home on my own time, anyway, so 6pm deadlines are tough to make.  Doing it last night or any other night this week wasn’t an option, either, due to my schedule.  So you can imagine the sigh of relief when I learned that the gentleman was extending the deadline a couple of days.  Several others were also delighted at the news.

It reminds me of a general principle that I tried to follow as a parent more often than not – when you can, say ‘yes.’  The idea is to not be so rigid on things of little long-term consequence that you end up saying ‘no’ just because it’s the rule or more convenient to do so.  Sometimes it’s much better to say ‘yes’ to requests even though it may alter your plans or inconvenience you in some way.

So my thanks go to Teri for her well-timed words of encouragement and to Jim for saying ‘yes’ when he didn’t have to.

Leap year lesson #292 is Kindness and mercy make a healing salve.

Earlier this evening I looked out my front door and noticed an old man with a hunchback walking by with 4-5 grocery bags.  The man was wobbly and not able to walk many steps in a row without pausing.  His feet pointed into each other at the toes, making it more difficult to walk.

I’ve seen the man before in the neighborhood, but never trying to carry so much.  He had already walked about three blocks from where he purchased the groceries and I had no idea how much farther he had to go.  I knew I needed to offer some help.

When I caught up with him and asked if he’d like some help, he didn’t have to think long before saying “That’s very kind of you” as he let me take the bags from one hand.  I reached to get the bags from the other hand as well, but he insisted on carrying those himself.

We walked another couple of blocks as he occasionally looked up from his normal hunchbacked stare down at his feet to see what the street address was of a nearby house.  I finally asked him his house number and he told me.  The full distance from the store to his house was about 5-6 blocks – a tremendous distance for this man even if he wasn’t carrying anything.  I can’t imagine the tenacity of the man to take on that burden and attempt that distance with such a load.

We reached his house and I held the screen door open while he found his house key and unlocked the front door.  It was apparent he wanted me to give him the groceries at the door and not come in, so that’s what I did.  After thanking me again, I told him my house number and invited him to stop there anytime he’s walking by and needs something.  We parted company and I went back home.

I know nothing about this man other than he is old, he has a hard time walking, and he appears to have nobody else to help him.  Maybe next time I’ll get his name.

Leap year lesson #283 is Carry one another’s burdens – literally, if necessary.

While walking my dog today around the loop at Seneca Park, we passed several young parents with their preschool children at the playground.  As we approached the slide, a small boy struggled to walk up the steepest part of the slide near the top.  As hard as he tried, hands gripping the sides, he kept sliding back down.  He couldn’t quite make it on his own those last couple of feet.

Fortunately, his dad was standing by.  When Dad saw that the boy couldn’t make it all the way on his own, he put his hand on the boy’s bottom and gave him just enough support and a nudge so that the boy could then climb the rest of the way.  It was a simple, instinctive gesture that I’m sure is repeated by moms and dads every day wherever playground and back yard slides exist.

From that simple event that took but seconds, there are several life lessons that come to mind:

  • It’s good to tackle challenges that stretch you to capacity, even if you don’t make it all the way on your own;
  • It’s OK to accept a helping hand from others when needed;
  • It’s good and kind to help others achieve their dreams and goals;
  • If you’re too wrapped up in your own world, you might miss a ready opportunity to help someone else.

I am thankful that in the simplest of passing moments we can be reminded of truths that are timeless.  So to that anonymous dad and his young boy, thank you for leap year lesson #256: Tackle big dreams and help others achieve theirs.

I went to the Kentucky Humane Society today to meet a dog named Angel.  She came from Laurel County, KY where her owner and the owner’s daughter were killed in a March tornado.  Angel and her three canine companions were chained to trees during the tornado and survived.  The other dogs have found homes, but Angel has not.  She’s timid and mostly afraid of men and other dogs her size or larger.  They aren’t sure how she would be with small children.  Cumulatively, as a three-year-old, she has a lot of strikes against her when it comes to being adopted.

There wasn’t much of a chance I’d end up taking her home today for several reasons, but I wanted to meet her and show her some kindness anyway.  She’s had a rough year.  While there, I also spent time visiting and talking to the other 60 or so puppies and adult dogs up for adoption.  I can’t tell you how many I would bring home today if I had the time, space and money to do so.

Only someone with unlimited resources would be able to extend help to all who need it, and I’m not just referring to animals.  There are so many human needs in the world from our own neighborhoods to the other side of the globe and everywhere in between.  None of us can help all we would like to assist, so we have to make tough choices, saying “yes” to some and a difficult “no” to others.

That’s one reason why it’s so important to give highest priority to the life of other human beings.  Yes, it’s great to save a whale or a seal or a rain forest or a homeless dog or cat.  How much more important, though, is it to make a substantive difference in and possibly save the life of another human being?  People are the most important living creatures on this earth.  I hope others agree and that our actions, giving and voting reflect that respect for human life – born and unborn.

Leap year lesson #253 is You can’t save the world, so be wise in who or what you help.