Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

I Said Goodbye To a Friend Today

Posted: May 11, 2013 in Grief
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Goodbyes Make My Throat HurtNote: I wrote the following on March 15 after a visit with a friend in the hospital, thinking that it would be the last time I saw him this side of heaven.  He defied the odds and remained with us for nearly two more months, allowing me the opportunity to visit him again.  Still, I share the following as originally written in memory of and with thankfulness for the friend whose funeral I just attended today.  He will be missed.

There have been very few times in my 56 years when I’ve had the chance to say a proper farewell to someone who was about to pass from this life to the next.  The first occasion was in the final days of my sweet sister’s life in 1995 before cancer took its toll.  I will always remember the private moment of being alone with her in her bedroom, holding her hand, telling her I loved her and how proud of her I was, and giving her a final kiss.  She couldn’t speak words back to me, but I know I saw a slight smile on her lips.  In the presence of others that weekend, she said, “Well, hello, Mamaw” – a reference to our grandmother who had passed away less than two months earlier, making us all wonder what she was experiencing as she transitioned between this life and the one to come.

Tonight I said goodbye to an older friend from church.  His life dramatically changed a matter of weeks ago with a diagnosis of leukemia and a series of medical incidents that abruptly took him from an active life to one coming quickly to an end.  My wife sent me a text on my way home from work telling me that we needed to go to the hospital when I got home because time was limited.

At the hospital, my friend was alert, lucid, engaged in meaningful conversation, and had a handshake with his right hand as strong as an ox, while his left laid lifeless – a recent development in his rapid physical deterioration.  In a moment like that, there is neither time nor reason to skirt the issue at hand, no sense in pretending you’ll see each other again in a few days, no reason to pray for healing or to give empty wishes of getting well.  In that moment, it is right and good to acknowledge that earthly life is nearing an end, and that it’s alright.  That is certainly what my friend was telling his visitors.

My friend has had a glimpse of what is in store for him once he passes from this life to the next.  What he has seen and heard and experienced in recent days as he has walked that fine line between this life and the next has given him absolute assurance of what is to come.  Instead of others trying to comfort him, he is the one spending his last days comforting and assuring others, providing hope, and anticipating a life eternal that is more beautiful and indescribable than he could place into words.  I believe in the reality of what he has seen and in the conversations he has had with Jesus to pave the path he must follow during his final days.  He is ready to go whenever his Lord takes him.

It was a holy moment to acknowledge in that final conversation the greatness of our God, our complete reliance on Him, and gratitude that we serve such a wonderful Savior.  It was gut-wrenching but important to tell him that I loved him, that he was a good man and that I had the deepest respect for him.  It was good to hear his kind words to me, recalling the time I asked him if he would be willing to serve as a deacon.  It was bittersweet to walk out the door saying goodbye, knowing I would not see him again this side of heaven, yet knowing that we both understood what I meant when I said, “I will see you again.”

As I think back on the 60 hours I’ve worked this week, on the many things done and undone on my task list, on how I spent my time, I am reminded that as wonderful and fulfilling as this life can be, this is but a shadow of something far more that we are meant to experience.  I left the hospital thinking, “Now that is reality.  That is important.  That is what this life should be about because ultimately this life is only a prelude to the eternal one to come.”

I am thankful for my friend.  I am thankful for his faith and how he demonstrated it in his final days.  I am thankful that I had a chance to say a proper goodbye.

As I write this looking at a screen blurred by tear-filled eyes, I will simply say “Until we meet again, my friend…”

How Do You Measure Friendship?

Posted: April 23, 2013 in Relationships
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Friends Take Care Of YouMy wife came home last Friday after more than two weeks of being in the hospital and rehab following knee-replacement surgery.  It so happened that I had to be heading out of town at the very hour she was checking out of rehab because I was scheduled to officiate at an out-of-town wedding for the weekend and the wedding rehearsal was just a few hours away.

Enter some wonderful friends.

First was our local friend, Darlene, who met Linda at rehab and brought Linda with all her belongings home and then stayed with her until Saturday, running errands, helping around the house, taking care of the dog and assisting Linda with tasks she is not able yet to do herself.  Linda was not (and is not) ready to be without assistance for a long period of time, and with me out of town, Darlene was a god-send those first 24 hours home.  Thank you, Darlene.

Then on Saturday, two of Linda’s lifelong friends from St. Louis drove to Louisville to spend Saturday until Tuesday with her.  Even though I was back from the wedding trip by mid-Sunday afternoon, Patty and Pam stayed until Tuesday cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, helping with physical therapy, dog-sitting, doing laundry, and laughing about past and present things that only friends with a long history can do.  Being able to spend that amount of time together was extremely rare for the three of them and a real help for Linda in every way – physically, emotionally, spiritually.  Thank you, Patty and Pam, even though you didn’t take me up on my offer of paying you $1000 each to make everything in the over-stuffed freezers and refrigerator disappear.  (I fixed the sink you broke, by the way.  The bill is in the mail.)

We live in a busy, busy world with long to-do lists that are a challenge to complete even without interruptions.  How many of us are willing to take a major chunk out of time we could devote to our own to-do lists to be the kind of friend that Darlene, Patty and Pam have been to us in recent days, as well as several others who have brought or are scheduled to bring meals?  It’s a reminder to me that if I want to have friends like that, I need to be a friend like that.

I guess the title of this post is a misnomer because you can’t measure real friendship.  But you sure know it when you see it.

Lead So That Others Are Sad to See You Go

Posted: March 16, 2013 in Leadership
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Sad FaceMost of us have experienced a variety of leaders and managers in our lives.  If we’ve held several jobs, then we’ve run the gamut of supervisors from those who draw out the best in us to those who micromanage, deride, and suck all the life out of those reporting to them.  Outside of work scenarios, we have experienced varieties of leaders in government, church life and a host of volunteer organizations to which we belong.  Some of us have been in those leadership roles.

While reading the Old Testament book of 2 Chronicles a couple of weeks ago, I took note of the story of evil king Jehoram in 2 Chronicles 21:20 which states that “he departed with no one’s regrets.”  Some of the genealogies of such kings are matter-of-fact and absent any color commentary, but not this one.  This king was so awful that for all time it is recorded that when he died “he departed with no one’s regrets.”  Who wants to be a leader remembered that way?  Who wants to be a leader where other people are glad to see you leave?  Not me.

While the focus of leadership should not be getting others to like you, and it is possible that there will always be haters you will not win over for some reason, most people have a willingness to appreciate and follow good leadership.  We appreciate leadership that is visionary, honest, transparent, thoughtful, encouraging, insightful, enabling, and effective.  We do not appreciate leadership that is self-serving, derogatory, controlling, haphazard, unclear, and ineffective.  You can add qualities to each of these lists.

If you are a manager and you have no concern for what others think about you, then you are in the wrong business and you should do something else.  If you are a manager and you do care but you aren’t sure what others think of you, then seek out someone unafraid to tell you the truth and have a conversation.  You might ask the simple question, “If I left this role today, would most people be happy or sad to see me go?”  The answer may be very revealing.  I have lost managers in the past where colleagues were distraught at the change and mourned the loss, wondering how we would function without such a great person at the helm.  And I have lost other leadership where the result is an immediate sigh of relief and rejuvenation of hope within the ranks that we have endured the storm and maybe we can move forward now that the giant blockage has been removed from our path.

Of course, being a leader and a manager are two very different things and I do not use the terms synonymously.  Leaders are not necessarily in supervisory positions and managers are not necessary real leaders.  So whichever of the two fits you for purposes of this discussion, interpret my words accordingly.

I hope that in those leadership roles in my past, present and future, I have been and will continue to be the kind of person who others are sad to see go when the time comes.  I don’t ever want to be that leader who is clueless to the strife he is causing, ever charging forward over the corpses of the good people he is trampling along the way.

Whether you are officially in a management role, or voluntarily in some capacity of leadership, lead in such a way that others are sad to see you go.  That isn’t the goal of good leadership, but it is a reasonable consequence.

Little Things Count

Posted: March 9, 2013 in Behavior
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Little Things CountHow do you choose to make a difference in the lives of others?  Do you think you can make such a difference?  Do you wish you could do more?  Do you think that what you do is of little significance?

Many people, myself included, want to make a positive difference in the world.  Most don’t have a large, public stage from which to perform such acts.  Most don’t have substantial financial resources to directly impact the welfare of those less fortunate.  Most don’t hold positions of power from which they can command the use of others’ time, energy and resources to accomplish what they want.  So does that mean each of us is relegated to having an insignificant impact that lasts for only a moment and affects very few others?  I don’t think so.

A couple of related thoughts come to mind when pondering this subject.  The first has to do with our definitions of success and significance.  The second relates to our awareness (or lack thereof) of the impact we have on others.

As for success vs. significance, our American culture attempts to define success in terms of how much money we make, how many possessions we have, how much power we wield, the kind and level of job we hold, what our home looks like, etc.  We mathematically categorize people as upper class, middle class, or lower class.

If you are in the trap of defining success that way, take a moment and think about some of the most important people in your past, those who had the most influence on you, those who taught you the most and helped shaped you into the person you are.  Think about the ways you have incorporated the lessons learned from those people into your life and how you have passed on those same lessons to others.  Now think back to the material circumstances of those influential people who came to mind.  Were they financially wealthy?  Were they the ones running huge corporations or in charge of millions or billions of dollars annually?  Were they well-known public officials?  Probably not (although they could be).  Instead, they were more likely parents, teachers, grandparents, friends or mentors who cared about you, noticed you, and gave generously of themselves to enrich your life.  Were they successful as culture defines success?  Maybe, maybe not.  But were they significant?  You bet they were!

We have to start making a clear distinction between culturally defined “success” and true “significance.”  Do a quick Amazon search on the word pair “success significance” and you’ll turn up several resources that distinguish between the two.  Ultimately, you are the one who must determine the definitions of success and significance by which you measure the impact of your life (i.e., if you measure it, which I don’t recommend trying).  For me, success was long ago defined by the book Success, Motivation, and the Scriptures by William H. Cook where I came away with the definition: “Success is doing what God wants you to do in the way He wants you to do it.”  Therefore, I am fulfilling my purpose and am successful if I live up to that definition.  I have to trust that significance is an outcome, whether I see or know about the results or not.

The beauty of that definition of success is that it potentially applies to any act, big or small.  Success might be facilitated by a public platform with the chance to speak to and influence many others.  But it also comes in simple one-to-one compassion shown for another, performing an act of kindness that enriches another’s life, having private conversation where you listen more than you talk, making sure that when you do talk, the words are worth the time others are taking to hear them.

I’m not discounting the value of the public, large-scale opportunities to make a difference.  We should take advantage of those whenever possible.  I want us to understand, though, that success and significance can also come through seemingly small things that have little or no audience.

When reading through the Old Testament book of 1 Chronicles recently, I was struck by the reference in 9:31 to Mattithiah, one of the Levites, listed as being in charge of making the flat cakes.   Here in this chapter discussing the genealogy of returned exiles is recorded for all time a man who carried out his service daily making flat cakes.  In his world at the time, he was probably unnoticed by most.  He sought no fame or fortune.  He fulfilled his duty day in and day out.  He made flat cakes.  And now 2500 years later we read about him.  Mattithiah would have liked the definition of success above – doing what God wants you to do in the way He wants you to do it.  He was successful, and he was significant.  Acts of seemingly little significance are necessary, and are noticed and appreciated by God and others.

As we browse the Bible, there are so many additional reminders of the importance of doing the little things with the right attitude and motive, confident that they matter in the grand scheme of things to the only One who is worthy of judging:

  • “…whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” – Mark 10:43-44
  • “…I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:11-13
  • “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus” – Colossians 3:17.
  • “I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness” – Psalm 84:10.

The Bible’s definition and description of success is light years away from our culture’s.

As for our awareness (or lack thereof) of the impact we have on others, we simply don’t know the impact we have because we can’t be all places at all times.  There is a potential ripple effect of our actions and attitudes on the lives of others that we will never witness or hear about.  People that influenced me were influenced by others I may never have known, and those strangers were influenced by others I have never heard of who were born in another place and time.  In a sense, we are with our lives throwing a pebble in a pond and turning to walk away before we have the chance to observe the ripples and how far they extend.  It isn’t our job to study the ripples, though.  It is our role to toss the pebble.

I’ve had wonderful opportunities in my life through my work, through travel, through meeting people of different backgrounds, and through great relationships with family and friends.  I’m open to whatever platform from which I can make a difference, big or small.  At work I am content not to be a manager, although I’ve managed teams in the past and had success with it.  I’d be content being the Wal-Mart greeter who says hello and offers you a shopping cart.  At church, I’ve taught classes more often than not over the past 40+ years, and I’ve had plenty of opportunities to preach to congregations.  But the truth is that I’m just as content to serve by providing Christian literature and resources weekly or by making coffee early enough so it’s ready when others arrive.

Don’t let a twisted culture define success or significance for you.  Realize that significance can happen one person and one small act at a time.  Going that extra step to help someone at work or home, seeing to the laborious and unheralded tasks others don’t want to do, noticing the people and circumstances that others pass by in their daily rush and taking time to invest in them in some small way – these are the kinds of acts by which others will measure your success and significance.  They will carry those ripples into the lives of others.

Little things count.

Lessons From American Idol

Posted: March 6, 2013 in Learning
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American IdolMy wife and I have enjoyed watching American Idol for years.  I missed the first season, but have been a big fan since then.  Now that we’re into the phase where America votes weekly on who remains, I thought it might be nice to reflect on some of the many lessons that can come from watching this show.  Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. People aren’t always as talented as they think they are.  The early episodes of every season are proof of this.  Some are just painful to hear.  William Hung, anyone?

2. Talent can be found in unexpected places.  I’m not talking geography here since people travel all over the country to these auditions.  I’m referring to the fact that a booming voice might come out of a soft-spoken, unkempt, homeless person nobody would ever suspect as a good singer.  File this one under “can’t judge a book by its cover.”

3. You need social skills in addition to talent.  The contestant who has a great voice but who can’t get along with others, also fails to connect with the voting public, and eventually loses.  It’s not just about you and your talent; it’s about living in the context of a community and relationships, and that’s a whole different ballgame.

4. Only the strong survive.  I feel for the singers who get matched up in group week with people they can’t relate to or with people who don’t want to do their fair share.  That week requires everyone to work hard – all night if needed, and those who slack off tend not to progress to the next round.

5. Never assume you’re safe.  How many singers through the years have been surprisingly eliminated early in the voting, most likely because people didn’t bother to vote for them since they considered them safe?  Assume nothing.

6. Your vote counts.  Or, more accurately this season, your 50 votes count.  If you don’t vote, don’t gripe about the results.  Do your duty and vote if you care about an outcome.

7. Not everyone who judges you is worthy of doing so.  While the four judges this year had sole authority to determine the top twenty, they may or may not have made the right calls.  They may not be representative of what America wants.  They may have hidden agendas and criteria we never hear about that impacts their decisions.  Do I personally really care about anything Nicki Minaj ever thinks or says?  No.  But she’s paid the big bucks to sit there looking dumb and sounding dumber, so whether she is worthy or not isn’t the point now.  Contestants will still be impacted by her comments for good or bad.

8. Give it your all.  When singers play it safe and just blend in with other so-so performances, that doesn’t cut it.  You need to give it your heart and soul and know that you left it all on the stage.  The final results may be in others’ hands, but you can at least know you did your best.  There is great satisfaction in that.

9. Always keep learning and improving.  Whatever your current skill level, there is room for improvement, so do what it takes to learn and grow and reach your goals.

10. Make friends along the way.  Nobody wants to be around others whom they fear would willingly stab them in the back to get ahead.  Don’t be such a person.  Be the one who takes the time to notice and befriend others as you go.  Praise the members of the band.

11. Climbing a ladder isn’t a lifestyle.  There is more to life than just trying to get somewhere else in the future.  It’s about experiencing the present, too.  You climb ladders for a short while so you can do something else at the end of that ladder.  Know when to step off the ladder and do other things.

12. It’s OK not to get the most votes.  If there are 10,000 people trying out and only one can win, does that mean 9,999 are losers?  No!  It just means that the system is set up to give a greater reward to one person.  Many contestants go on to very successful careers without winning the competition.  You get to define success in your life.  Don’t let others do that for you.

13. Fame and fortune comes at a cost.  Some have the personal character, wisdom and right people nearby to handle fame and fortune.  Some give in to its temptations and flame out early.  If you think you’ll be the one making all the calls about what happens with your life at the level of stardom these singers seek, you’re wrong.  There are trade-offs your dreams didn’t envision.

14. Enjoy the ride.  We know that some things can’t last forever.  That’s OK.  Be thankful that it happened as long as it did.

15. Give back.  You didn’t get where you are completely by yourself.  Parents, friends, teachers, even bitter enemies all worked to help shape you into the person you are, as did your own dogged determination.  Others are invested in you with their lives.  Give back to them.

I’m sure I’ve missed some obvious lessons that my fellow American Idol fans can think of.  What are they?  Tell me in a comment.

p.s. – If you haven’t figured it out by now, the lessons above don’t apply just to a singing competition.

A Time to Be Born

Posted: February 24, 2013 in Parenting
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Tara and Kyle

Tara and Kyle

As I write this, my nephew, Kyle, is with his fiance, Tara, at a hospital about 60 miles from here welcoming to the world their first child, a little girl.  I eagerly await holding little Josie in the coming days.  This will be my first crack at being a great-uncle, so I want to get it right.

All new parents know that life is forever different once you take that huge leap from being a couple to being a family with children.  It isn’t easy, but somehow with love and patience and hard work, we make it through challenging times and move on to days of growth and maturity and, if we are fortunate, great joy.  As I’ve heard my cousin Debra say, from the time we have our children, our hearts are forever walking around outside our body.

It is easy and good to celebrate new life.  I don’t mind the sound of babies crying when I’m around because I am thankful for each little life and the promise each bundle holds.  If I’m in church, for example, and a very young child is noisy, so be it.  I’d rather have them present and reminding us of the spectrum of life and growth than shuffled off to another room where they don’t “bother” the adults.  Bother me all you want, kiddos.  I’m glad you’re here.

So I am thrilled at yet another new life in the family that is arriving just one day after seeing the other newest member of the family, the new son recently born to my cousin’s daughter.  New life abounds.

What is different about the birth in progress as I write this is that the event is bathed in my mind with thoughts of the baby’s paternal grandmother – my sister Stephania Jo, whom we called Jo-Jo.  We lost her to cancer in 1995 when she was 40.  She left behind her husband and two young boys, Eric and Kyle.  Eric has since left this earth by way of a tragic car accident years ago.  So as I think about Josie coming into the world, I cannot help but think about Jo-Jo.  Oh, how I wish she was present to take part in this celebration of life.  She would be so thrilled and she would be such a magnificent grandmother.  It would be a joy to share grandparenting stories with this sweet, dear sister whom I miss so much.

For a while this afternoon, the emotion was overwhelming.  I cried harder than I recall doing for many years – tears of joy and sadness.  I was thankful when the sadness turned into laughter as I talked on the phone with my cousin Debra.  The ending and beginning of life have ways of tugging at all of our heart strings to the max.  That’s OK, but it isn’t easy.  As the writer of Ecclesiastes said, there is “a time to be born, and a time to die” (3:2).

Today is a time to be born, so welcome to the world, baby Josie.  You have wonderful parents and a loving extended family who will care for you in every way possible.  You will be blessed by the many family members who will shower you with love all of your days.  I look forward to being a small part of that extended family for many years.

And someday, when the time is right, I look forward to telling you some stories about your incredible grandmother Jo-Jo.  I’m sure others will as well.  You would have loved her just as she would have loved you.

Wag More, Bark Less

Posted: February 23, 2013 in Communication
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image from localbadge.com

image from localbadge.com

Earlier this week I shared a book review of Seth Godin’s Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us as well as another post inspired by the book about leading from the bottom.  Today’s post has its genesis in one sentence found in the book where Godin lists his principles related to creating a movement.  His final principle is “Tearing others down is never as helpful to a movement as building your followers up” (p. 105).

That may seem obvious, but I’m sure it’s included because people often violate the principle.  How can we expect others to join us in accomplishing some task, making a change, joining a cause to make a difference, or simply doing our day-to-day work if we’re criticizing or complaining along the way?  Don’t we respond better in attitude and in performance when others are quick to praise and encourage rather than to tear us down?  Of course we do!

This principle reminds me of a few other maxims that are (or should be) a part of our language.  One is “You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.”  This one is literally true when it comes to attracting me as well.  I love honey and consume some almost daily.  Vinegar?  I run from the stuff; can’t stand to smell it or be in the same room with it.  Building others up is honey.  Tearing them down is vinegar.  Be honey.

Perhaps one of my favorite sayings related to this thought comes from a bumper sticker I saw last year: “Wag more, bark less.”  A Google search on the phrase will yield many results, including more paraphernalia with the saying on it than you can afford to purchase.  As a dog lover and one who believes in being encouraging to others, this one sums up the notion quite well for me.

Take a moment to review in your mind the conversations you’ve had in the past 24 hours.  In those talks, were you figuratively more often wagging your tail or barking at the listener?  Were you building up or tearing down?  You may not have noticed at the time, but chances are good that the other person did.  As you think back on the conversations you had with coworkers this past week, with people you manage, with those living under your roof, or with others you spoke with along the way, did you do more wagging or barking?

If I approach a dog, I’m going to notice if he’s wagging or barking and it’s going to impact how I respond.  Same is true for people.

As you go about your conversations today, make it a point to wag more and bark less.  It will do as much good for you as it does for those around you.

Make More Deposits Than Withdrawals

Posted: February 22, 2013 in Relationships
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Deposits Withdrawals

image from chalkboardquotes.wordpress.com

Today’s blog post is about dog training, but about much more than that.  I’ve been a fan of the dog trainer Eric Letendre for several years, reading his books, watching his videos, and eagerly reading his daily emails about the subject.  (If you’re curious, check out his book The Amazing Dog Training Man’s Ultimate Guide to Dogs or his website or YouTube channel.)

His email from a few days ago rang true as good advice not just for dog training, but for relationships in general, so I want to share it with you.  The email recalls a chapter in his book where he wrote about “how the relationship is like a checking account.  Every time you do something positive with your dog, you are making a deposit into the account.  Every time you do something negative to your dog, you are making a withdrawal.  In order for the relationship to stay positive, happy and healthy, you have to be making more deposits into the account.  Too many withdrawals without enough deposits will result in a relationship that will go negative.”

Brilliant.

Beyond the relationship you have with your pets, think about the relationships you have with key people in your life – spouse, family members, coworkers, neighbors, friends, acquaintances.  Think about the best of those relationships.  Aren’t they the ones where there is more thought to giving than taking?  Don’t you get tired of being around people who always want something from you, but never give in return?  Don’t you want to free yourself from being around those who inject nothing but negativity into your life?  Don’t you want to be with those who give and who are positive?  I do.

If a relationship with someone has soured in your life, try to analyze it from the deposit/withdrawal perspective.  If you are making more positive deposits in the lives of others, chances are good they will not think twice about the occasional withdrawal you need to make.  But be careful about always being the one to withdraw, or you may just find others wanting to withdraw from the relationship.

Make more deposits than withdrawals, and as the image above says, know when to close the account.

Book Review: “Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us” by Seth Godin

Posted: February 19, 2013 in Book Reviews
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TribesI finished re-reading Seth Godin’s Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us today.  It’s a book that is on my very short list of books worth re-reading now and again.  The point of this small 2008 book is that there are groups of people (a.k.a. tribes, followers) just waiting for someone to step up and take a leadership role to help make change happen.

The book is a bit hard to review on one hand because it has no table of contents, no chapter divisions, no index to easily go back and find a thought – only seemingly random section headings that have content under each heading for a few sentences or a few pages. Good luck on outlining the book.  Godin acknowledges that potential critique near the end of the book, and if he’s not worried about it, neither will I.  The focus should be on the content of the book, not the structure.

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for rebels – those willing to challenge the status quo and attempt to make change happen.  Godin refers to this person throughout the book as a heretic and encourages such behavior for all who see a different vision and aren’t afraid to try to make it come to pass.  ”Heretics are engaged, passionate, and more powerful and happier than everyone else” (p. 49).  Long live the heretic!

Tribes is filled with short stories of people – many of whom you have never heard – who made the decision to make a difference and then who started to lead others who shared the same passion down a path of affecting change.  Rebels and heretics will find nuggets of hope and strength in these stories, encouragement to go forward in their worlds and lead their tribes.

There are a few sections which lay out precisely Godin’s underlying thoughts and principles.  One is where he describes his thesis:

  • For the first time ever, everyone in an organization – not just the boss – is expected to lead.
  • The very structure of today’s workplace means that it’s easier than ever to change things and that individuals have more leverage than ever before.
  • The marketplace is rewarding organizations and individuals who change things and create remarkable products and services.
  • It’s engaging, thrilling, profitable, and fun.
  • Most of all, there is a tribe of fellow employees or customers or investors or believers or hobbyists or readers just waiting for you to connect them to one another and lead them where they want to go. (pp. 12-13)

Another meaty couple of pages list five things to do and six principles behind creating a micromovement:

Things to do:

  1. Publish a manifesto.
  2. Make it easy for your followers to connect with you.
  3. Make it easy for your followers to connect with one another.
  4. Realize that money is not the point of a movement.
  5. Track your progress. (pp. 103-104)

Principles:

  1. Transparency really is your only option.
  2. Your movement needs to be bigger than you.
  3. Movements that grow, thrive.
  4. Movements are made most clear when compared to the status quo or to movements that work to push the other direction.
  5. Exclude outsiders.
  6. Tearing others down is never as helpful to a movement as building your followers up. (pp. 104-105)

This review would be far too lengthy if I tried to write about all the notes I took and parts I underlined.  Besides the main points above, I’ll just mention a few more ideas that stand out to me…

“Skill and attitude are essential.  Authority is not.  In fact, authority can get in the way” (p. 20).  Too many people think they can’t lead because they do not have positional power and the accompanying authority that goes with it.  Malarkey!  You can lead from the bottom of an org chart any day.

“Organizations that destroy the status quo win” (p. 35).  I hear many companies talking about being “disruptive,” yet too many of them are still mired in old ways of thinking, stifling policies, outdated practices that lead to anything but disruption, and a culture of protection and control that inhibit and sometimes downright punish innovation.  These dinosaurs will die as others who actually walk the talk pass them by.  ”The organizations that need innovation the most are the ones that do the most to stop it from happening” (p. 113).

“The only thing holding you back is your own fear” (p. 44).  

“Change isn’t made by asking permission” (p. 70).  This thought goes hand in hand with another: “The easiest thing is to react.  The second easiest thing is to respond.  But the hardest thing is to initiate” (p. 86).  Heretics initiate change.

“When you hire amazing people and give them freedom, they do amazing stuff” (p. 98).  I work on a team like this and can vouch for its truth and source of energy and inspiration.

I do find it odd that Godin chooses not to engage a tribe, himself, on Twitter.  He has two accounts there – @SethGodin and @ThisIsSethsBlog.  The former account is a mere placeholder with no activity, reserved so that nobody else can claim it, while the latter tweets whenever there is new content on Godin’s blog.  It’s his choice, of course, to be involved or not in whatever technology platform he chooses, but it seems like a missed opportunity to not use Twitter to engage with a willing tribe of followers.  That choice does not, however, impact the truth and value of the book.  You’ll find his website at http://www.sethgodin.com.

If your goal is to manage, this book isn’t for you.  If you want to keep the current organizational machine functioning as smoothly as possible with little disruption, don’t bother reading it.  But if you have a goal to produce change – at work, in your community, in your neighborhood, in government, in your church or elsewhere – then read this physically small, 151-page book and take away some insights and inspiration to lead a tribe.  ”Do what you believe in.  Paint a picture of the future.  Go there.  People will follow” (p. 108).

One final thought… While reflecting on the book, the brief YouTube video of First Follower: Leadership Lessons from Dancing Guy came to mind.  I encourage you to watch it.

The Best Behaviors I’ve Shown As An Employee

Posted: February 5, 2013 in Professionalism
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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As promised in yesterday’s post about “The Worst Mistakes I’ve Made As An Employee,” I’d like to share with you a few of the key things I think I’ve done well through the years where I’ve worked.  These are the decisions or patterns of behavior that I hope have characterized my time as an employee, from the time I got my first job as a 16-year-old small town grocery store clerk making $1.60 an hour to my current role as an online community manager for a Fortune 100 company.  I can’t help but think that people who exhibit these behaviors will have good success and satisfaction in their careers as well.

Here goes…

Take on more responsibility than is required.  I take no pleasure in doing only what is expected of me in a role.  I want to do my best at my work, and that includes acting on the thoughts that come to mind about how to improve processes, get more accomplished, better organize work, and voluntarily tackle things that nobody else seems to have on their radar.  Willingly taking on more responsibility than expected helps the business, creates new opportunities, solves problems, expands one’s capabilities, and usually paves a path to officially expanded roles and career advancement.

For example, in the early 1990s I was the associate dean of a small business college, having been promoted to that role from instructor.  One of the perennial issues at that college was the operation of the bookstore.  It was inefficiently operated, disorganized, and a frustrating experience for students as well as a financial drain for the college.  After considering the work I thought it would take to turn it around, I made an offer to the college dean that if he would give me responsibility for operating the bookstore in addition to my current duties, remove the current manager from her position and add half her salary to mine, I would turn it around.  He did just that, and I kept my end of the bargain, making it an organized and smoothly operated bookstore that next semester and thereafter.

Similarly, I can’t tell you the number of times that I have inherited (willingly or otherwise) the responsibilities of others when people on my teams have left the company or moved to other departments, leaving fewer of us to do more with less.  By accepting and even seeking out greater responsibility with a positive attitude, people learn that I am serious about getting things done.  Supervisors learn that they can give me a job to do, leave me alone, and it will get done.  If I need their help, I will ask for it.  Otherwise, they can assume all is well.  I will squeal if and when I reach my reasonable limit, but until then, they can rightly know that I’m on top of my duties.

Put in more time than is required.  While the previous suggestion centers around taking on more responsibility, this one is about putting in extra time.  I don’t remember how many years it has been since I’ve averaged only 40 hours per week.  I tend to average in the low 50s instead of the 40s.  Occasionally, I go well beyond that, but I don’t recommend doing so except for rare occasions when there simply is no other alternative, and only then for a very short period of time.  It isn’t nice when employers expect extra hours every week from salaried employees, but it is good to be in a situation where you love what you do and willingly give it more time in order to do the best job possible in a reasonable, sustainable amount of time.  Not everyone is in a life situation that allows them to give extra hours with no corresponding increase in compensation, but for someone like me whose sons are long gone from home, I have that luxury and am glad to do so.

Ask for what you want.  You may not get all you want, but you certainly won’t get what you wish for if you don’t ask for it.  There have been two times in the past four years alone when roles were created for me on other teams that would not have been created without me initiating the conversations.  In 2009 I called the manager of a different team out of the blue and pitched an idea about the possibility of a new role being created on his team with me filling it.  It took a few months to go through all the internal hoops for it to happen, but since the manager liked the idea, he worked with others as needed over several months to make it come to pass.  Something similar happened in 2011 when I thought it was necessary for our internal social network to be owned by a different business area, and for me to go along with it to that area to manage it.  Again, after a few months and several discussions with key stakeholders working together, it came to fruition.  Dream Big.  Show the potential benefits of your ideas, and go for them.

Be kind to others.  This seems rather basic, but you’d be surprised how often people don’t follow this simple principle.  Being rude, self-centered, sharp-tongued, avoiding others, being unresponsive to requests, not returning calls or emails, and generally being a pain in the behind to others just makes you the kind of person coworkers have no desire to be around.  Why would anyone want to be that person?  Most of us spend more waking hours with our work colleagues than with those who live under own own roof at home.  Why wouldn’t you want to have the best relationships possible since you’re going to be spending a huge amount of time together weekly?  I want to be thought of as someone who generously gives to others, is OK with occasional interruptions in order to help people out, speaks kindly, encourages others, and who does a reasonably good job of living the Golden Rule, treating others the way I want them to treat me.  We teach it to our kids.  Why should we be any different as adults?

Trust others.  I tend to trust others until they give me a reason not to trust.  This approach seems to be better for relationships, easier on the mind and emotions, and benefits everyone involved since trust is usually rewarded with trust returned in your direction.  I understand that there are certain roles in businesses which lend themselves to being very cautious, skeptical and perhaps lacking in trust.  People in such roles need to do what their positions require without coming off as always distrustful of others.  I know I am a person of integrity, so when someone questions that integrity in any way, it is highly offensive.  Likewise, I don’t want to appear to question someone else’s integrity unjustifiably.  Of course, if you ever give me a reason not to trust you, I will continue to cooperate and work with you as needed, but I will be extremely cautious and you will have to earn that trust back over a long period of time which is outside of your control.

Help others reach their goals.  This involves being an encourager to people, taking time to genuinely listen to them, and then taking action to the extent that it is within your ability to assist.  Even though I am not currently in a management role, it is very possible for me to help others achieve their goals by providing assistance within the scope of my responsibilities and authority.  You do not have to have positional authority to have an effective impact on the organization and individuals within it.  Individuals can have significant influence without having a single person formally reporting to them.  For those who are in supervisory positions, I consider this one of their primary responsibilities–one characterized by developing others, being a cheerleader, inspiring, encouraging, empowering, guiding, leading, and genuinely celebrating others’ success as they accomplish challenging business objectives and personal career goals.

Looking at the above patterns of behavior that I believe characterize the bulk of my work history, I would summarize them in two simple thoughts: (1) strive to do your very best, and (2) focus on others as much (or more) than you focus on yourself.

So there you have it–my worst mistakes discussed in a previous post, and several positive and helpful patterns of behavior that have contributed significantly to success and satisfaction in my work.  I’d love to hear your thoughts about work experiences and patterns that have shaped your career.

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